work – Sabina McAllister

I found a this note I wrote to myself many years ago. I wrote it when I was employed in a ridiculous job in a very dysfunctional organization. I struggled a lot with figuring out how to make a positive contribution in a place where the values were so different from my own. The note was an effort to name the gifts I could offer them, if only there was a way. There was no way.

I am enthusiastic but not keen. I am open but not boundary-less. I love learning but will not be mansplained. I am responsive but not reactive. I am clear and firm but not aggressive. I am questioning and critiquing but not undermining and criticizing. I am fun and professional.

It was a shit time in that job, and yet my overriding feeling when I left was colossal disappointment. Life has been so much better since.

It used to be that when I got together with friends, discussions of work would form a central part of the conversation.

But because of two things, work rarely is a main topic of conversation with friends these days, which I absolutely love.

I think this has come about for three reasons:

middle age

self-employment

de-centering work from my identity

What I mean is:

In what calls the “bewildering vulnerability” of middle age, I am far more interested in what’s going on in the interior of your life than about office politics. Definitely tell me about your office politics if that is something that matters to you! But let’s also make time for you to tell me about what you think about when you’re falling asleep at night.
Most of my friends don’t really have any idea what I do, and that is just fine with me. I’m self-employed, so I do a lot of different things during my day to make money. Almost none of it is interesting to anyone who’s not involved in it. Basically, I just don’t have that much to say about work.
In my middle age, and in my self-employment era, I’ve really de-centred work from my sense of who I am. I do identify as a writer, and a ghostwriter, too, I think. But beyond that? It’s all just random titles. Consultant. Project manager. Content creator. Who cares? Titles used to mean so much to me, and filled me with such a sense of both pride and longing. It’s nice to have those feelings replaced with peace and freedom.

So let’s talk about work, you and I, but let’s also not pretend that it is the end-all be-all.